


A Loving Hand

by Windztone



Category: Vis a Vis | Locked In (Spain TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Macarena Ferreiro, Sleepy Cuddles, Touch-Starved, Zulema Zahir needs a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:34:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24615370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windztone/pseuds/Windztone
Summary: Just a story about the evolution of their relationship after jail and Zulema being touch starved.
Relationships: Zulema Zahir/Macarena Ferreiro, Zurena - Relationship
Comments: 96
Kudos: 169





	1. Chapter 1

The truth is , she was touch starved. Maca had figured it out the first time they had sex, but really, when she thought about it, there had been various signs that she had ignored.

She was always aware of how little physical contact Zulema had with people. It was the bare minimun, and if she’d ever have it, it would be to abuse or hurt her in some kind. The first time she noticed outside of Cruz del sur was a night they were driving to find a place for their motor home.

Maca couldn’t keep her eyes open. She had been driving for too long and it was starting to show. La mora had told her how they would swap in 15 minutes, but the time had passed and she made no inention on moving. 

"Zulema its your turn now" She said while pulling over

When the car stopped she stretched her back and ruffled her hair in order to freshen up a little. She was about to complain to Zulema when she turned to her and realized she was fast asleep. 

She looked so vulnerable while sleeping. It amazed her how much of a dick she was during the day and now she was so... peaceful.

Maca would have sworn there was a sort of magnet, but instead of saying something to her, she gently guided her hand to her arm, shaking it a little.

At the contact Zulema seemed to make a content sound and instead of snatching her hand way, she unconsciously pressed herself harder in her grip. 

Maca couldn't help but smile

"Zule" She gently said, trying not to spook her

When Zulema finally opened her eyes, she found herself looking at a smiling Maca. She really wasn't in the mood for fighting or comebacks so she just stayed silent. She was about to move when she realized the feeling of warmth she had on her left arm, she looked and saw Macas hand, and there is when hell broke loose, Zulema violently flintched away, almost hitting the car door in the process.

"Hey, take it easy sleeping beauty" Maca said, trying to calm her down

"Touch me again and I'll rip your hand off" She threatened but the blonde only scoffed

"Yeah, we both know thats bullshit but sure. Now get your ass out the car, its your turn to drive" Maca said while unbuckling her seatbelt

***

The second time she noticed was when Zulema got shot. 

Yeah, she did, and it wasn't pretty.

It all happened so quickly; suddenly they were leaving the casino with their bags full of money and a second there was a loud bang and Zulema was down.

The thing is that some asshole wanted to be the hero of the story and hid his gun when they where emptying the place. So when he saw the opportunity, he aimed at Zulema and shot. But that didn't end up too well as Maca didn't even think twice and shot her gun 4 times at the guy, making sure he was the one that died and payed for hurting Zulema.

After that it was all a big blur. Zulema was bleeding out while shouting at Maca, while she was trying to get a hold of her friend Marina.

She had met Marina at a therapy group when she came out of prison. She was a retired (fired, actually) surgeon because, long story short, they had caught her using substances that were supposed to be for patients.

Marina finally answered and told them the way to her house. Luckily for them, Marina lived on the outsides of the city, so no one would be looking for them.

"Jesus, Maria y Jose" Said Marina as she started to disinfect her hands "What on earth happened to her"

"I tripped" Zulema replied. She was holding onto Macas shoulder, who was trying to sit her down.

"Yeah, there on the floor" Marina said as she approach Zulema and lifted up her shirt to take a closer look at the wound 

At the sudden move Zulema slapped her hand off of her and tried to back away

"Don't touch me" She gritted through her teeth

"Well then it's gonna be hard to save your life, imbecil" Replied Marina

"Joder Zulema. Calm down, she's here to help" Maca spoke, she sitting on the floor with la mora 

"What the deal with her?" Said Marina

"Nothing" Replied the blonde "Now, Zulema; look at me" She did as told "She's gonna need to look at you wound okay? So lay down on my lap"

Zulema seemed to have calmed down a bit so she did as told and laid down.

"That's it, thank you" She said while guiding her head towards her lap, gently stroking her hair

Now Marina checked her wound and said "There is only one hole, meaning that the bullet is still inside you. Im gonna have to take it out. I'll start getting the anaesthesia ready"

"Um, sure" Maca replied. Her knowledge of medicine was as much as a season of Greys Anatomy.

"Im gonna need you to hold her still for the IV" Said Marina as she opened up her medical kit

Maca nodded and focused her attention on the woman on her lap "Heard that? Don't make it too hard for me, okay?" She tried to lighten up the mood but when Zulema finally looked at her, she realized something; there was fear in her eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong? Zule, what's wrong?" She asked quickly 

"Maca..." She choked out, wincing in pain

"Shhh... just, take a deep breath and tell me what's with. Okay?"

"Im scared Maca, I don't want to die" She finally confessed 

"Hey hey, you're not going to die. You will wake up and we'll be home and everything will be fine" She tried to comfort her, and actually, hearing Maca say We'll be home made her feel a lot better than before.

She isn't sure if it's because of how much blood she had lost but she replied "Home?" 

Maca smiled softly at her "Yeah Zule. Home, we'll be home"

"Okay the anaesthesia is ready" Spoke Marina and Macarena felt the black-haired woman tense on her lap

"Hey... just focus on my touch" She said as she slowly began to caress her face "That's it" 

Zulema smiled weakly at her and suddenly she noticed a sharp pain on her arm, but she didn't look, she only focused on the blonde and her affection.

Her eyelids became heavy and her breathing had deepened. She wanted to hold on to Macarena but she had no strength left, so she gave in and closed her eyes. She was already drifting off and barely conscious when she heard Maca's voice say

"Don't worry honey, im not gonna let you go" 

And it was the truth, she stayed by her side, holding her throughout the entire procedure.

***

It had been a month since the surgery and Maca had been doing some research on what she think was wrong with Zulema. 

She obviously hadn’t talked to her about it (at least not yet) but today she had actually woken up with the feeling that she should confront her, and that’s what she was gonna do.

After they had lunch, Zulema sat down on their bed and was reading her book. The blonde thought it was the best moment, so she sat down next to her.

"Do you know the definition... touch-starved?" Maca asked cautiously

"No, but I can make a pretty good guess for it" Zulema said, trying to not pay a lot of attention. But she wasn't dumb, she knew where all this was going

"Well, I think that's what you are. Touch-starved" Damn Macarena, straight to the point

Zulema scoffed "Yeah okay Mr Sandoval, thanks for the diagnosis" 

"Zule im serious. It's a real thing!" Insisted the blonde

"Okay, congratulations. Do you want me to do a flip or something like that?" She deadpanned 

"Im just looking for a little bit of cooperation since it involves you" 

"Maca, get a fucking hobby and leave me alone" 

"Okay but just tell me-"

"-no, you tell me why it's so fucking important that you get me diagnosed with this starved thing" 

"Well because it can help you with stress, bad relationships, unhealthy coping mechanism" And after a pause she continued "And you’re very familiar with all that"

"Okay sure but I don't like being touched, end of the story" Zulema replied, already very pissed off

"Don't you think maybe it's because of your childhood or past experiences with intimacy?" She asked cautiously 

Maca studied how Zulemas face completly dropped when the last words came out of her mouth.

Bingo. She had hit the tip of the iceberg.

It was amazing how maca was handling the situation. After various years of knowing la mora she had figured out that it was best to keep you posture when she was losing it. And all the times she was defensive about an aspect in her life, it was usually a little cry for help. Although no one had noticed that, no one except for la rubia.

"Zule, it okay to ask for help, you know?" She said softly while sitting in the bed with her

"Don't call me Zule" 

Macarena smiled slyly

"We both know you love it. Now... are you going to let me help you?"

Zulema was uncomfortable, she had unconsciously moved to the other side of the bed, back against the wall. Trying to keep as much distance as possible with Maca.

"I don't need your help! For fucks sake" She muttered 

A few minutes passed and Maca waited until she knew Zulema had calmed down and was probably debating wether to say something or not

"Please..."

"No" She said softly, not meeting her eyes

Maca scooted a little bit closer

"Maca... im warning you" She said, seeing how the distance closed upon both women 

"Zule, it's just the two of us. There is no threat, no cameras looking, no unwanted visitors. Let me help you" The blonde said with such a soft voice that Zulema felt her heart melting a little

Finally, a little nod came from the black haired woman and Macarena smiled from eye to eye.

"Okay, lie on your stomach" She said and, surprisingly, Zulema did as she was told

"Now, I want you to close your eyes and just try to relax. And tell me if it's too much or you’re uncomfortable"

The truth is, she was already uncomfortable.

"Maca, dont treat me like a kid"

"Then don't act like one"

She was really trying to relax but when Macas hand came into contact with her skin she flinched away, opening her eyes and looking at the blonde. Who gave her a small encouraging smile before trying again.

This time the as the contact wasn't so sudden, she stayed in the same position as before. Maca had started caressing softly her arm, up and down. At first it was kind of weird, she thought. Do normal people really enjoy this? Is it supposed to be something casual? Because Zulema right now thought this required a lot more intimacy than having sex.

Somwhere between her thoughts, she had unconsciously closed her eyes and the soft movements that maca was doing on her arm felt kinda nice. 

Actually, it felt fucking fantastic. It was like her chest was filling up with lightness and her tummy with butterflies. Zulema felt like a hormonal teenager. 

"You okay?" Maca asked, which made Zulema feel even safer. The blonde cared so much about her well being it was crazy.

La mora would always act annoyed but she couldn't help the warmth in her chest spread when Maca checked on her to see if she was doing okay. Either if it was at the supermarket, because crowds made her anxious, or if it was in the van at three am because she hadn't had dinner.

"Mmmhhh" Zulema hummed in response

The blonde gained a little bit of confidence and moved to her back, and when she started scratching it she coukd have sworn to hear Zulema's breath hitch. This kind of intimacy was very new to her and new situations made Zulema feel uneasy. But supprisingky she has let Maca help her, which rearly happened.

She was filled with joy seeing her partner like this: so vulnerable. In her normal day to day life, even though she wasn't as deffensive as when they were in jail, she could rarely see her most human side, the one that craved contact and needed to be cared for. She was also absolutely ecstatic because, who were they kidding, she was pampering Zulema. She was giving her that comfort and affection that she had lacked her whole life.

"Does it feel nice?" Asked Maca with a gentle voice

Zulema had totally lost it, she had slipped deep down into her headspace where she felt warm and safe. She didn't care that her partner was seeing her like this, because it felt so damn nice she didn't want her to stop. Shed even let a faint smile creep upon her face.

So Zulema just nodded and unconsciously nuzzled closer to where Maca was sitting, craving more contact.

The blonde widened her eyes in surprise, but soon scooted a little bit closer to where Zulema was lying. She moved close enough to give her more physical contact, as now her head was slumped against the side of Macas leg.

Maca's heart melted at the sight, and now she had began tu gently comb her fingers through her hair, detangling some knots on her way. 

Living with her had been as difficult as imagined. Living with Zulema required a lot of patience, knowing how to read her body language, learning how to deal with her PTSD and flashback and much more stuff. Maca would have been lying if she said that she’d never thought of just leaving her. But deep down, she was able to read between the lines, and understand that every time that she took care of her, Zulema got a little bit better. 

Maca was so deep into the thought that she hadn’t realized until Zulema let out a little snore that she had fallen asleep.

She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the sleeping woman. Also, knowing that Zulema felt safe with her and as a result was able to fall asleep was pretty fucking cool.

“You poor thing” Maca whispered while gently caressing her cheek “All you needed was a little love and no one ever gave it to you”

“But it’s not too late... I’ll do it. I’ll take care of you” Maca said was she left a soft kiss on her cheek and laid down in bed next to her.

She took Zulema’s hand into hers and la mora nuzzled herself closer into Maca’s chest and embrace.

I’ll love you 

Maca thought as she drifted into her sleep


	2. Chapter 2

When Maca woke up the first thing she realized was a weight on her cheat and two arms wrapped around her waist. Given the fact that she could only distinguish black hair she'd figured out it was Zulema (or she would have a problem). She moved her head a little to check the clock, it was 22:47 pm. They would probably have a hard time going to sleep. 

Maca was going to enjoy the situation a little bit more when her stomach made a huge growl and she realized how terribly hungry she was. So she decided to wake Zulema up. There was no right way of doing it, because she would always wake up scared and disoriented no matter what she did. Now it was a matter of patience and getting all of Zulema's anxieties out of her head.

She freed one of her hands and started combing her black silky hair. It was only a matter of time that Zulema would wake up.

And that's exactly what she did; at first she was way too tired to know what was happening, but a few seconds later Maca felt the woman tense in her embrace and started moving to free herself from her arms.

"Zule, hey, It's me" Maca tried to get the other woman to relax, but there was no use, her mind was going a thousand per hour

She sat up straight and moved away from her until they weren't touching. 

This time, Maca decided not to talk about it, so she simply changed topic and hoped it would work.

"I'll cook dinner tonight... does spaghetti carbonara sound nice?" 

Zulema just nodded, bringing her knees to her chest and looking around the room.

"Im also gonna go fix the wifi because I wanna watch a movie tonight, as im guessing neither of us will be sleeping with the nap we took... right?"

This time Zulema didn't even bother to answer.

The blonde woman sighed and was about to move when she looked at the other woman and realized something: a single teardrop falling from her face.

"Zulema?" She was a little lost on why she was crying

Zulema just shook her head and dried her tears.

"Zule, if you don't tell me what is wrong, I can't make you feel better" She said softly, she didn't want her to be sad or in pain "Use your words please"

"Im cold" She blurted out which surprise her

"And?"

"And..." She debated we wether to say something or not "And I miss... that" She made a vague gesture with her hand

Maca felt a smile rise on her face "Well then come closer dear" 

Zulema stayed still for a few seconds, but then she scooted a little closer. It was close enough so that the blonde could place her hand on her leg and stroke it a little. At the contact Zulema felt her body shiver and she instinctively closed her eyes. She then basically threw herself on top of Maca, wrapping her arms around her waits and hidding her face at the crook of her neck.

"Im guessing you like to be touched now?" Said Maca with a smirk

"Only by the right person, I guess" She shrugged a little "But it still scares me a little, so, when you do touch me, could you give me a heads up?"

"Of course" She placed a kiss ok top of her head "And if something feels too much, just tell me"

Zulema nodded and closed her eyes

"I like the feeling of you holding me" Maca could feel her heart burst with pride and affection. Seeing Zulema be this utterly adorable made her want ro cry.

"Im glad you do. Because I like protecting you from all bad things that are outside" Said Maca and Zulema let out a laugh

"Yeah, because cuddling does that" 

"It does! You just don't know it yet" 

"I think its just an excuse so we can cuddle" 

"Don't act like you don't love it" Said Maca and Zulema was actually glad she couldn't see her face because she was smiling like an idiot "But im starving so get off and let me cook, we'll cuddle later"

Zulema rolled over and whined like a little kid, which the made Macarena chuckle while she got out of bed and headed to the kitchen.

As she started cooking she couldn't help but think how nice it was having this lifestyle with Zulema. When they first moved in neither of them wanted to do things that would make them bond, so everything they did was separately.

Now it was the complete opposite; They would sleep together, they would wait on each other to watch their TV show, take naps together... they had become a pretty domestic couple.

"Could you get the bacon from the new groceries bags?" She said while boiling the pasta

Zulema soon was behind her and before giving her the bacon, she hugged her back and gave her small kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks love" Maca said "By the way, tomorrow morning we have to go shopping, okay?"

Zulema whined again as she threw herself on the couch. "Do I have to go with you?" 

"No, If it's too much you don't" Maca said, she knew crowds were not her thing and didn't want to pressure her

"I'll think about it" Zulema said from the couch

Maca only hummed in response, serving lunch for both of them and sitting on the couch next to her partner. Both of them were starving so their pasta was gone in a matter of minutes, and as soon as then finished, they slowly sinked on to the couch, watching their tv show, which was surprisingly Adventure time.

The first night they got a TV, both decided to watch a show together and chose the walking dead. Maca herself had seen a few episodes but Zulema had no idea what is was about, well apart from the zombies. Not much more than 30 minutes in, the blonde had noticed how tense her partner was on the couch next to her. She d asked her if she was okay but she only nodded. During a very graphic scene Zulema exploded and shouted "Turn it off! Turn that fucking hell off or I'll break it!" 

Maca, obviously surprised turned it off and waited for an explanation, but she had began to tie the knots herself, so she said

"Zombies scare you?"

Zulema let out a tense laugh and rubbed her face "No. No they don't"

Maca waited for her to finish the sentence

"Its just that, I've dealt with enough graphic scenes in my life and I still re live them like a fucking tv show. I don't need it from the actual show" Zulema confessed 

"No problem, we ll watch something else" Maca said, knowing that Zulema didn't want to make it a big deal 

So she just flicked over channels until they found Adventure Time. Zulema had first insulted her saying how she wasn't going to watch a fucking cartoon, but the blonde was so tired that she simply ignored her and watched the show. 

It turned out that la mora actually enjoyed it as when Maca would go watch TV, the channel were they aired it was always on. She denied it for the longest until she must have felt comfortable enough and now they used to always watch it together. It was their thing. 

The next morning Maca got up early as she didn't want to go to the supermarket when it was full. It wasn't the same case as Zulema, she just hated long cues. She was a bit surprised when she stepped out of their house and Zulema was completely dressed, waiting for her.

"You know you don't have to come, right?" She insisted, a part of her didn't want to deal with whatever problems Zulema would encounter

"I know, but if I don't its going to prevent me from doing so many things, so im coming with you"

Maca smiled, this was definitely an improvement "Then get your ass in the car"

The drive wasn't as tense as she thought it would be. Zulema had been humming to a few songs on the radio while the blonde enjoyed the fresh air on her face in the morning. But things started to go left the minute they stepped inside of the supermarket. 

"I made a list so it doesn't take us too long" Maca said while getting a cart

Zulema murmured a yes in response, already looking at her surroundings.

As they walked through the isles the blonde had tried to make conversation to try to keep Zulema mind from overthinking, but it was no use. She had already snapped at her once and would do it again, so she decided to stay quiet and continue shopping.

"Could you go get the cereals you like? I'll be near the fruits, okay?" Said Maca and Zulema nodded

The truth is, she didn't want to be away from the blonde.

As Zulema started walking to the cereal isle she couldn't help to think how painfully embarrassing this was. I mean, come on. She had escaped prison, she had killed people, she had looked at death in the eyes and here she was; afraid of crowds and being alone at the supermarket.

But also, she couldn't give a fuck. So she snatched the cereals and almost ran towards Maca

"Thanks love" She said sweetly and the pet name managed to calm her down a bit, just enough to smile at her

"I want chocolate" Zulema said, going back to her cocky self

Maca laughed at her "Of course you do. Come on, lets go" She said guiding her cart

"This time well buy the dark chocolate one, not the organic-bio bullshit you brought home last time" Zulema complained

Maca scoffed "Excuse me? Bio bullshit? Didn't seem like bio bullshit when you finished have of it in one go"

Zulema smirked at her "Thats cause I was hungry, and when you're hungry you don't really care how the food taste"

"Ugh just shut up and grab your fucking chocolate" Macarena said as she pushed her shoulder playfully

Zulema grabbed her chocolate and threw it in the cart, they were almost done shopping.

"Wait, we need salt" Reminded Maca

Both woman were headed towards the spices when two little kids came running around the corner. They must had been playing tag as they were going pretty fast and as a result one bumped into the cart and the other one into Zulema leg. As if that wasn't enough, when they fell they had accidentally knocked the olive oil so now the whole floor was dirty and full of glass. Both women had no time to react as the kid started crying and bawling his eyes out. Suddenly all the eyes were on them and even the blonde could feel it. She turned around to face her partner, who was looking around and anxiously playing with the hem of her shirt. She was tenser by the second

"Hey, it's okay. Come behind me" Said the blonde as she grabbed Zulema hand and guided her so that the blonde was in front of her, shielding her from the crowd

"Me cago en la puta! Ive told you a thousand times not to run around Toni!" The mom scold the little kid and grabbed him from the floor “Marco, go get your father” She said to the other boy

Soon security came as they had been alerted of the broken items.

"Is anyone hurt?" Asked the man

"We are fine, thanks" Said Maca 

"My son, I think he has glass shred in his hands" Said as the kid bawled his eyes out, which caused even more people to come to the scene

"Oh that poor thing" Said a woman with her husband "Should we call an ambulance or..." But Maca had stopped listening, this whole scene was giving her a headache

She was about to move when she felt a warm hand take hers. She turned and looked at an anxious Zulema, trying to give her a little smile. This was definitely an improvement. She the proceeded to bring her laced hands and gave her partners one a kiss before leaving the scene.

When they arrived home they didn’t even bother putting the groceries away, both woman were exhausted. Maca was about to move when Zulema wrapped herself around her, throwing them both on the couch.

Maca let out a giggle as she laid with Zulema on top of her. 

“Im proud of you” She finally said as she kissed the top of her head

She must have seen it wrong but she swore she saw Zulema blush a little.

“Thanks rubia” She simply replied as she hid her face in her neck 

Honestly, the best thing of being an adult is deciding what to do with your time, and right now, both women had decided that they wanted to do nothing but stay in that position, embracing each other, for the rest of the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support. What would you like to see next?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning ⚠️

It had been a tough week for both of them. Even though Maca had a lot of control over Zulemas triggers and knew almost all of them, this week something had set off her anxiety and she had been completely out of character. She spent almost all week being non verbal, not wanting any contact with the blonde and having a hard time keeping food down.

Today was friday. Maca had left Zulema at home while she went grocery shopping. Even though she didn't like leaveing la mora in this state on her own, lt was even worse going with her to the supermarket. So she was rushing to buy all the food and head back home.

Zulema had managed to stay calm for most of the time. She was lying on the sofa wearing Macas hoodie because it comforted her. She really wanted to keep everything under control at leats until maca was home, where she could help her. But she allready felt her fingers tickle and her blood dissapesring from her body. She couldn't help but panic, she didn't want to go through this alone, she needed Maca. She took a shakey breath as she closed her eyes and tried to calm her self down. She was gonna keep calm until she was with the blonde. 

But she couldn't 

When she opened her eyes her vision was blury and all of her surroundings were fuzzy. She knew this was a sign of dissociation so she tried to ground herself by clutching Macas hoodie tighter towards her body. But that wasn't work either. 

She's on her way home. Shes almost here. Hang on a little bit more. She told herself

She kept her eyes closed until a strong odour hit her. It was a familiar one and felt the nausea coming to her with no warning. It smelled like blood, mold and sweat. The smell was starting to suffocate her as it was the exact same smell that was in the room where her husband kept her. Where he would rape her and hit her. 

He's dead. I killed him. He's dead

She tried to ground herself again, but sadly, the fear she had for him was stronger than knowing that she killed him. Her eyes welled up in tears and felt her throat close up as she felt her heart beat in her ears.

She was in danger. 

She jumped from the couch and was ready to run when she saw a figure standing in front of the door. 

And no, it wasn't Maca.

She couldn't recognise it, not knowing if it was because of the adrenaline, the tears or the dissociation, but the only thing she could make out was that it was tall and broad and masculine like. 

She felt her heart stop as without a warning it launched towards her. She backed up but hit the coffee table and fell hard to the ground. When she looked up the figure had it's hot breath on her face and she closed her eyes shut as she knew there was no way to stop it. 

Suddenly she felt a freezing touch on her shoulder. And then on her face. And then on her leg. And then all over her body.

She felt like it was sucking the life out of her while it roamed around her body. She sobbed as she let out a scream saying

"Stop it!" She pleaded "Stop it!"

But it didn't listen. She was gonna die if it kept touching her, so she jerked away, hitting the table. Her efforts were useless, it felt like it had crawled under her skin. The hysteria took over her and she took off her hoodie and began to claw her arms with her nails vigorously, trying to get him out of her skin. She felt no pain but the feeling of it touching her.

She scratched her skin off and she'd probably reached the bone if it weren't for two hands stopping her. This touch was different, it wasn't cold, quite the opposite, it was warm and inviting. 

"Shh it's okay, you're home, it's just you and me alone" Said the soft voice

She looked up and saw the concerned but smiling face of the blonde. 

"You're alright baby, you're alright" At the pet name Zulema couldn't help but whimper, letting out a sob afterwords.

Maca gently brought her towards her lap and rocked her back and forth, warping her arms around her. Zulema clutched herself to the blonde like she would disappear anytime soon and cried harder, shaking with fear.

“Make it stop” She cried

"You had a flashback. No one is gonna hurt you anymore. You're home with me" She whispered but Zulema kept crying "We are sitting on the floor, im hugging you, we are in our van. You're home."

Zulema had slowly began to relax as she looked at her surroundings; it was true, she was home with maca, and most importantly, he wasn't there. 

"I need you to try and breath slowly, okay?" Maca asked but got no response from the brunette, so she gently passed a hand through her hair, cupping her face and looked at her

"You need to breath or you'll make yourself sick, okay" This time Zulema nodded "Good, just copy my breathing. In.... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Now hold, and out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5" 

Slowly her breathing got back to normal and her cying had ceased so you could only hear hiccups. She slumped back into her arms, exhausted, while the blonde rocked her in her arms. She had fallen asleep for a couple of minutes until she was shaken awake.

"Zule I have to take care of your arms" Said Maca softly and Zulema looked at them; they were bleeding through the scratches she had made. 

She nodded

"Let's get comfy in the couch" She said as they both stood up and the brunette slumped down on it. 

Maca handed her a blanket and before leaving she gave her a soft kiss on her forehead, making her sigh.

She almost ran to get back to the brunette and sat in front of her with the medical kit.

She was no doctor but it didn't look too deep or too bad, it was just really red and had some blood. She gently desinfected the scratches, cleaned them, and bandaged them. When she was done she gently placed a kiss on both of her arms, making sure it was soft enough to not hurt her. She looked up at the brunette, who hadn’t said a word for a while. Her eyes were swollen from the crying and her cheeks were red. 

Maca hated seeing her like this. She honestly wanted to hurt every single person that had hurt Zulema. She wanted to make them pay for her suffering.

She slowly raised her hand towards her face and softly cupped her cheek. At the touch, Zulema closed her eys and pressed herself closer. 

“Wait” Said Maca as she got on the couch.

She then moved some pillows and laid down, she then opened her arms, wanting Zulema to come closer. She could have sworn that she saw her smile a little but as she laid down on top of her, in between her legs. Maca wrapped an arm around her and with the remaining one she gently rubbed her back. At the contact Zulema nuzzled in her chest and felt all the tension in her muscles leaving.

“Sorry” She finally said with a raw voice from the crying

“Don’t apologise for this” She kissed the top of her head “Those assholes did this to you”

Zulema didn’t reply to this

“Thank you for... well, everything” She whispered

“My pleasure. Now just relax okay? I bet you’re exhausted from all that” Maca said

“Mmhhh” She hummed in response

“Then don’t worry and just close your eyes.” Zulema obeyed “That’s it baby, just relax and focus on my voice”

Zulema felt her breath hitch when she her the pet name.

“Im gonna protect you okay? You’re safe with me” She whispered as she felt the brunette almost meting onto her

“You’re not alone. I wont leave your side”


	4. Chapter 4

Hours had passed since the incident and neither of the women had moved from the couch. Zulema had fallen asleep for an hour and then woke up and just laid there, enjoying Macas affection. The blonde on the other hand hadn't stopped thinking. Even though she really helped Zulema she really thought that she should go get help, professional one. 

"You awake?" She asked softly, using her hand to remove some dark strands from Zulema face so she could see her

Zulema nodded but stayed quiet

"Can we talk?" She said and as soon as those words left her mouth she felt her tense in her arms "Hey, don't worry, it's nothing bad"

Zulema then got up and sat on the couch and Maca mimicked her actions

"Well?" Said Zulema

"You know I love helping you and all that stuff right? I just think that maybe, if you want, we should, I don't know, seek professional help?" Said Maca cautiously 

She watched Zulemas face harden "No"

"But Zule, they are there to help you!"

"I said no"

Maca lifted her brow "Why not?"

“Because I say so”

“Zule... why not?”

Zulema stayed quiet for some time, thinking what to say

"I don't want to talk about my past, It hurts"

Macas face softned and she placed a comforting hand on her leg and stroked it 

"Then I'll talk for you, you've told me pretty much everything, right?"

"Not: pretty much. Ive told you everything" She confirmed 

"Well then I'll go with you and talk for you, okay?" She said but still saw doubt in the other woman face.

She scooted closer and cupped her cheek "Remember, im here for you. You're gonna get better and soon enough all these bad memories will go away. You'll be happy" 

Zulema closed her eyes at the contact and leaned in "Im already happy" She muttered, almost inaudible, but the blonde heard it.

"You know what you are?" She asked with a smirk on her face and la mora raised her eyebrows 

"Fucking adorable" The blonde said as she launched herself towards Zule. She was soon on top of her and started kissing her face while the brunette squirmed under her.

"Maca I have a reputation to uphold!" She laughed as Maca kissed her

The blonde separated herself and looked at her: her beautiful eyes did this thing where they shined when she was happy, and right know thats what they were doing.

Zulema, kind of uncomfortable under her gaze, looked away and cleared her throat.

"Monada" Teased Macarena, receiving a big nudge on her shoulder from the other woman

"Maca I swear. Stop it or I'll kill you" She threatened

"Yeah?" She asked, cockily

"Yeah" 

And Zulema had no time to add anything else as the blonde pressed their lips together. Surprisingly, they had never kissed before. Both of them knew there really was no turning back after that. It was a soft kiss, Zulema had never experienced this type of affection. It amazed her how just a kiss could transmit her safety and so much reafirmanse. 

Zulema squirmed under her and she took it as a sign to stop. Before getting up, she quickly kissed the other woman's neck, making her squeal in surprise. 

"Cabrona!" She cursed at her and hit her shoulder playfully

"Oh don't deny you dont love it. I know all your week spots" Macarena smiled misscheviously 

Zulema felt her breath hitch, but then rolled her eyes and pushed her back, trying to regain control "God, you're worse than a humping chihuahua"

The blonde only smiled as she saw Zulema got up and turn to her

"You coming to bed?" She offered her a hand

"Thought you'd never asked" Macarena purred as she got up and met the brunettes eyes

Zulema couldn't help but laugh as they went to bed hand by hand. 

The next day Zulema woke up with an upset stomach and a huge pounding in her head. She got out of bed and stomped her way to the sofa where the blonde was sitting. She laid down with her head on Macas thigh and groaned. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Asked the blonde, visibly worried 

"My stomach, my head. Everything hurts" She complained 

Maca thought for a bit before she spoke "You know that's-" Zulema cut her off

"The anxiety yeah I know. It just sucks" She whined 

"You know" She gently traced patterns on her face, making the other woman close her eyes "We can cancel the appointment if it's too much"

Zulema moved her head slightly in disagreement "No, I wanna do it. I wanna get better no matter what."

"Okay" She smiled at her

After that they had both gotten up and started to get ready, they were about to leave when Maca gave her her hoodie because according to Zulema, it made her feel safe. Zulema quickly put it on and got headed towards the car before leaving a quick peck on her partners lips. The drive to the place was pretty tense, and Maca could already sense how Zulema was getting more and more defensive, like if she were in danger.

When they got to the place the blonde told them how they had an appoitment at 12 and the lady behind the desk told them to sit down in the little waiting area. As they sat down Maca thank the lord they were alone as she took the brunettes hand into hers. Apparently that was not what she wanted as she quickly snapped away giving her a cold glance.

Maca sighed in annoyance. 

She'll open up, she always does. You just gotta give her some time. She thought 

15 minutes had passed and she had still no response from Zulema. Although she had noticed how her body language had changed: Her right leg was bouncing up and down vigorously, she was chewing the inside of her cheek and kept tugging the hem of her hoodie. Maca wanted Zulema to upen up by herself, but she couldn't continue to see her like this, so she got up and dragged Zulema by the hand to the bathroom. She locked the door and crossed her hands.

"Anything you would like to share with the class?" She asked and Zulema scoffed

"Okay im serious, what's wrong?" She said, now visibly concerned

Zulema paced around the bathroom and let out a big exhale of air as she passed her hands though her hair.

"I don't want to do it" She finally said

"What?

"I don't want to do it Macarena" Zulema spat

"Zulema I really think this is the anxiety speaking. Come here and we’ll-"

"No!" She almost screamed "No it’s fucking not!”

The blonde flinched in surprise “Maca take me fucking home!" She said 

“Zule?” She softly said

“Maca joder!” Zulemas voice broke and that’s where the blonde knew she was right, it was the anxiety speaking

Zulema turned around and looked up at the ceiling.

“Zulema...” She spoke as she took a step closer towards her

“Maca I wanna go home” She turned around with tears streaming down her face “please”

The blonde didn’t think about it twice and brought her into a hug while sitting down on the bathroom floor. Zulema hid her face in the crook of Macas neck while the other woman rubbed soft circles on her back

“Take me home Maca, please” She pleaded

“Shhhh. Relax baby, you’re gonna be perfectly fine. Im not gonna leave your side.” She whispered gently 

Some minutes passed and the woman in her arms had calmed down. She was know playing with the blondes hair when she got the courage to speak

“I don’t think I can Maca” She whimpered

“Of course you can! You are definitely the most badass, brave person I know” She encouraged her

“This doesn’t look very badass” She said gesturing both woman 

Maca chuckled a bit “Needing help is not weak. Neither is being taken care off. How many times has someone helped you through something like this?”

“Zero” She simply replied

“Exactly. It was about time you had someone in your life that cares about you. Well, apart from Saray”

Zulema chucked softly “Yeah, god I love esa gitana” 

Maca only smiled at the statement. She was glad Zulema hadn’t been that alone during her time in prison. She knew those two were as thick as thieves and even though sometimes they had their rough patches, they loved each other unconditionally.

“How about, we get up from the gross floor and decide wether you really wanna go or not, okay?”

Zulema didn’t reply and only wrapped herself closer to Maca.

“I’d never move if I had the chance” She muffled out

“Yeah, I know” She stroked some hairs out of her face “But im very serious, we have to get up or I’ll puke”

Zulema faked a gag and separated herself from the blonde. Before getting up, she gave her a peck on the lips and stood up.

Macarena smirked as she mimicked the other womans movement “What? Too shy to give me a proper kiss?”

“No. It’s just that I know that I won’t be able to stop if I do” She replied

“So, what do you want to do?”

Zulema didn’t think about it too much “I wanna go. We can’t leave, not now”

Maca smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek “Im so proud of you you can’t even imagine”

Zulema blushed a little as she pushed the blonde away “Im gonna get diabetes from you”


	5. Chapter 5

As both of the women entered the little office, Maca felt Zulema clutch to her hand like it was a matter of life or death. She turned to look at the brunette and gave her a kiss on the cheek, calming her a little as they proceeded to sit down.

The psychologist was an old 70-ish year old woman with short white hair. She looked welcoming, like she could be anyones grandma. The old lady smiled at both of them.

"Hello ladies, my name is Rocio Gomez. I do remember the chat I had with... Macarena?" She said gesturing the blonde, trying to figure out who is who

The blonde nodded and the psychologist proceeded "Yeah. Well she talked about how you didn't want to talk to me about your issues. Am I correct Zulema?"

Zulema hadn't made eye contact with the lady since she stepped into the room. She was too nervous and it seemed too personal. Her eyes were fixated on her and Macas hand laced together.

She nodded her head in agreement. Maca slowly caressed her hand with her thumb and calmed her down a little.

"That's totally fine. I couldn't help but notice the bandages in your arm. Are they fresh?" She asked Macarena

"Yeah, uh she-"

Rocio shook her head stopping her "Don't worry, we don't have to talk about it right now. I was just wandering if you would like to go into our medical room to get then checked out while Macarena talks with me. Would you like that?"

Zulema hesitated a bit. But then she thought that the last thing she wanted is to re live her past and so she nodded and stood up.

"Great" Rocio pressed a button and soon a nurse came into the room "Andrea here will guide you" 

As soon as they were alone Maca started talking, she didn't want it to take a lot of time as she didn't want her partner to be alone.

"I- her mother was horrible to her; she would hit her, yell at her... But Zulema told me it was always her words that hurt the most. It was a nightmare the day she was born until the moment she ran away." Maca could feel her throat start to close up.

She understood why la mora didn't want to talk about her past. Because it even pained her to do so.

"Her...husband raped and hit her until she had a little baby girl that was taken. After that she told me that it was all a blur, the only think that made her want to keep waking up was killing that son of a bitch. And that's what she did. After that she went to prison and later I came to. She was a totally different person there..."

"She had no one there... well, she never had." She felt the tears well up in her eyes "We hurt each other mutually. I guess its because I knew no better, I grew up with a great childhood and loving parents. She, on the other hand, knew nothing about love or affection... so she express all of her emotions through insults or simply not at all. She opened up a bit after years and years, but I could still see that she was hurting. She had nightmares every night, she got into fights and trouble, I saw no hope in her"

"After I got released I had no one to pick me up. When I knew she was going to be released I realized I didn't want her to through the same as I did, so I picked her up. I got her to live with me after a year or so of insisting and since then its I just worked on little steps with her"

She always told Zulema how proud she was of her but she really meant it. Tears had fallen from her eyes, she dried them as she continued to talk

"I got her to open up and now she's comfortable with me at almost every level. I can't say her mental health has gotten worse because I never knew this part of her, but im worried about her. Her flashbacks are pretty bad and she has some serious anxiety with crowds and new people.Its just, Im not a specialist, I don't know if im doing what I should be doing"

"I understand your preoccupation, but the most evident thing that I saw when you two came in is that she trusts you and knows that you have her back. Thats one of the most important things when dealing with these issues, for her to know she doesn't have to deal with these things are. Understanding what she is feeling is one of the most important things. I'll try to make it short, but you should let her take the lead. Don't pressure her into things and be patient. Minimise her stress at home... make it her safe space. Just remember, just being there for her is already the best thing for her" 

As Zulema walked into the office Maca smiled at her and walked to her and took her hand. The other woman at the contact scooted closer to her. 

"Hi baby" She whispered as Zulema broke eye contact and smiled. She didn't want to admit it but the pet names the blonde gave to her made her knees weak.

"Can we go now?" She asked and Rocio nodded her head

"If you girls have any questions I'll give you my phone number. It's easier to call than to come here." She said as she wrote it down and gave it to Maca

"Thank you, Rocio"

"Zule, cariño, stop!" Said Maca as she laughed as Zulema jumped onto the trampoline on their yard

"Nope. I bought it for a reason" Maca climbed with her and sat as she looked at the lake 

Zulema looked at the blonde and scooted a little closer to her. "Watcha thinking?"

Maca looked at her and smiled "You"

Zulema blushed a little and then laid her head on her lap "Could you... play with my hair?"

"Fuck, you're adorable" She said as she hugged her closer and kissed the top of her head, then she buried her hand into the her dark locks and started to massage them. She heard Zulema moan slightly at the action and her chest fill up with pride

"Im guessing that feels nice?" Maca chuckled 

Zulema only nodded and closed her eyes. She had her wrapped around her fingers and honestly la mora didn't mind as she fully trusted her. 

She hadn't noticed how her eyes had teared up until she sniffed a little

"Amor?" She asked and Zulema shook her head and dried her tears

"Sorry... its nothing. Im... emotional" And as soon as those words left her mouth she felt the humiliation creep in

But instead of saying anything Maca only hugged her tighter and held her. The blonde slipped her hands into her sweater and rubbed her back. Zulema moaned a little more thanks to the skin to skin contact and Maca couldn't help but laugh.

"Apparently you are also kinda horny, baby" She said and it send a shiver throughout all of Zulema body.

Fuck. She was.


	6. Chapter 6

It was 2:49 am when Macarena woke up because of the movement in their bed. She knew the drill, nightmares were a common thing in their daily life. Nevertheless, this couple months Zulemas nightmares were a little less common, as she wouldn't have them every day, and had no nightmares for almost the whole week and that was a record. 

She sat up on her bed and gently rubbed Zulema back. It was amazing how such small actions had an effect on her. It was like Zulema knew, even though she was still asleep, that it meant safety and protection. 

"Im here with you. Don't worry, I got you" Maca cooed at the brunette 

She watched as the brunette slowly relaxed and her small whines disappeared. The blonde smiled at her and kissed her head and without opening her eyes, Zulema smiled back and turned around to wrap herself around Maca.

"You okay, baby?" The blonde whispered as she laid herself down next to the other woman

Zulema hummed in response "Thanks"

Maca moved her hand so it rested on her face and began to gently caress it with her fingers

"Do you want to continue sleeping?" She asked, knowing that sometimes it was better to keep her awake after a bad nightmare

"Yes please" She said as she snuggled closer to the blonde

"Alright, buenas noches mi vida" She whispered and heard the brunette giggle a little

"Que?" Macarena asked raising her eyebrow

Zulema closed her eyes and shook her head

"I love it when you say those things" She said with a yawn and Macarena couldn't help but smile. 

She knew it was probably the exhaustion talking but it still made her heart beat faster when she saw this vulnerable part of her partner. 

Macarena slowly passed her fingers in complete adoration through the other womans face. She traced little patterns on her cheek and moved to her left one, where she had the tattoo of the fallen tear drop. She moved her finger up and down the drawing, looking at it with pure admiration. Part of her wished she hadn't gotten the tattoo because of its meaning; constant pain and mourning. In Macas defence she got it when they weren't even living together, so she didn't know that there was a better life waiting for her that wouldn't always be suffering. But then, she also liked the tattoo as it represented how much of a bitch life had been to her and she was still here, fighting through each and every problem. 

The blonde would have continued to trace the tattoo when she noticed that Zulema had fallen back asleep.

That was fast. She thought.

Not wanting to wake her up. Maca removed her hand from the other womans face and scooted a little closer to her. 

"Goodnight amor" She said as she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

It was going to be a good day. Macarena thought as she saw Zulema dancing to Enter Sandman by Metallica in their kitchen. She said nothing for a while and just observed the brunette jumping from side to side while mumbling the lyrics. She was way into the dance and the food that she was making to notice Macarena sit up on the bed with a grin placed on her face.

"Coño la madre!" Zulema shouted when she turned around and saw the blonde looking at her amusingly 

"Good morning to you too" She said while standing up and walked towards the kitchen "Watcha making?"

"Pancakes" Zulema said while turning her attention back to the stove

Macarena moved so she was behind her and wrapped herself around the other womans waist. She moved her hips at the same time as Zulema, completely in sync with the musics beat. She felt her body shake a little when she felt the brunette laugh.

"How are you feeling?" She asked while passing her hands through her dark locks and putting them behind her ears

Zulema turned around so that she faced her and smiled "Great"

Macarena wrapped her arms around the taller womans neck and brought their bodies closer together. She examined her face and said nothing but when she noticed that Zulema squirmed a little and broke eye contact she knew that she was probably overwhelmed. So Maca gave her a kiss on the cheek and plopped herself down on the couch.

Zulema stayed still for a couple of seconds when the blonde brought her out of her trance 

"Baby, the pancakes" She said and Zulema jumped in realisation 

"Fuck! Yeah- Uh ... me cago en la puta" She mumbled under her breath as she turned her attention back to the kitchen 

After breakfast both of them had decided that they wanted to go on a walk through the lake, but when Macarena looked out of the window she noticed that it had started to rain.

"Don't bother putting on your boots, its raining" The blonde said as she peeked out the window

She heard the other woman cheer a little and smiled at her. Something that she had realized living together is that Zulema adored the rain and everything that came with it. During thunderstorm night she would find her look out the window, completely mesmerised by the view.

The blonde sat on the couch next to her and asked "So, what would you like to do?"

Zulema scrunched her nose and squinted her eyes, an adorable quirk she had when she was thinking

"Uh... could you paint my nails? I could braid your hair later, if you want?" She suggested a little insecure, but soon relaxed when she saw Macas face light up

"Oh yes please!" She sprung to the bathroom and there she yelled "Black, right?"

Zulema chuckled "Yeah"

Soon Macarena sat down in front of her and got a hold of her hand, she placed it on their cushion and began applying the first black coat with absolute delicacy. Zulema felt like she was slipping into her headspace and sigh as she let her head plop down on the back of the couch. Both women were enjoying the sound of the rain hitting their van when the brunette decided to speak. 

"Thanks" She said and Macarena smiled at her

"For what now?" She smirked as she gently handled her hand "You're making me look like a saint"

Zulema snorted and then stopped for a moment to think of what to reply to her

"For... being this gentle with me" She murmured without looking at the blonde in the eyes

Macarena freezes for a second and then she continued her manicure "And I will always be"

As the brunette didn't reply, Macarena continued to talk

"Im dead serious. I like you, Zulema" She felt the brunette tense "I like your stupid sense of humor, I like your little ways of showing you care, I like your quirks and habits... Point is, Im always going to be patient and gentle with you, because I know you. I know that you need your time to express how you feel, I know you get overwhelmed easily, I know that its not easy for you to open up to people, but that's why I do it. Because I know that by doing those things, Im, hopefully, making it easier for you"

Macarena looked up and found Zulema looking at her with tears in her eyes and smiling. Zulema simply nodded and the blonde continued to work on her nails. She wasn't expecting a monologue from the other woman, she knew that little nod meant she helped her and that was enough for Macarena.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi loves! Anything you would like me to add to the story?


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